Tips for coping with holiday stress

[4 MIN READ]

In this article:

• If you’re feeling stressed about the holiday season, try focusing on things for which you’re grateful.

• You can plan ahead to eliminate some of your holiday stress as events grow closer.

• Don’t neglect your own health during the holidays. Carve out some time for yourself.

 Keeping the holiday spirit — not the stress

For every person who says they love the holidays, there are probably twice as many people who sometimes get the holiday blues. There’s a reason why mental health providers are so busy: Plenty of people are having trouble managing holiday stress. 

“A lot of people understandably see the holidays as a chore or obligation — just a list of things they have to do,” says Marie Fowler, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker for Providence in Hesperia, California.  

But there’s no need to despair — with just a bit of adjustment, you can take some of the stress out of the holidays and bring the joy back. Here are some tips.

Focus on gratitude instead of stress

Fowler suggests reframing your state of mind so you can feel gratitude for the people who are in your life. “If you’re concerned about what kind of gift you’re going to give a loved one, focus on the feelings you get from that person,” she says. “That will help soften everything, and you can focus on giving them something that shows you have gratitude for their presence in your life.”

Plan ahead

Some advance planning will go a long way. Try some of these ideas to save time and money (not to mention your sanity!):

• Maintain a master holiday to-do list.
• Create and follow a holiday spending budget.
• Make a list of gifts to purchase.
• Buy gifts from your list throughout the year.
• Shop online.
• Post a family calendar and keep it updated.
• Plan holiday meals, baking and grocery shopping.
• Make travel plans and develop packing lists.
• Set reasonable expectations when hosting out-of-town guests.

And while you’re at it, go ahead and schedule some relaxation time just for you. You’ll definitely need a break from all the chaos.

Be realistic with your expectations

Many of us agree that what really matters during the holidays is enjoying quality time with loved ones. So, if the pressure to create those “perfect” holiday scenes becomes stressful and/or feels unfulfilling, simplify your commitments and set some more realistic expectations. 

For example:

• If you’re overwhelmed by too many events and/or tasks, take charge of your time and don’t be afraid to say no to holiday parties and other events. “In those situations, I tell people, it’s OK to say no and to put down some limited boundaries,” says Fowler. “Maybe this isn’t the year you do two appearances on Thanksgiving or Christmas.”
• If your budget doesn’t support your extensive gift-giving list, try searching online for gift ideas on a budget, making hand-crafted or baked ones or organizing a group Secret Santa-style gift exchange instead of buying individual gifts for everyone.
• If meal planning and preparation isn’t your thing, leave the cooking to others and offer to contribute in other ways, like bringing beverages or helping with dishes.  

While there’s no doubt that many holiday traditions are a big part of this time of year, it doesn’t always make sense to maintain all of them, year after year — so let go of the nostalgia, be flexible and find a realistic balance that works for you and your family. 

Set boundaries

If you have difficulties with some family members, it’s important to set healthy boundaries. “Know what you will and will not tolerate,” says Fowler. “Limit your family time with them. Tell yourself that you’re not staying until midnight, but leaving after an hour or two.”

Part of the process of boundary-setting is deciding ahead of time whether you will avoid certain topics, such as politics or religion. “If tensions are really bad, it’s perfectly OK to excuse yourself from that situation,” says Fowler. “Be mindful of when your blood pressure starts to rise. You can’t control what they do, but you can control how you respond to it.” 

If a family situation becomes stressful, Fowler says, “there’s somebody in that room that you have a good relationship with. Focus on that. Give yourself permission to not attend an event if there’s a toxic relative present.” 

Don’t neglect your health

Holiday baking, office parties and happy hours challenge the habits of even the healthiest eaters. It may seem like holiday indulgences are everywhere, and it can be difficult to find the time to exercise or get enough sleep.

• During times of stress, it is extra important to nourish both your mind and body with healthy foods, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.
• While it’s fine for most of us to enjoy some special treats on occasion, try to avoid overeating or excessive alcohol use.
• Schedule time to work out.
• Be sure to get to bed on time and take it easy on the caffeine and energy drinks — they are no substitute for a good night’s sleep.

Take care of your mental health, too. Along with physical exercise, consider spending time planning some simple indulgences and self-care such as booking a massage, taking a casual walk with a friend, reading a book, selecting some aromatherapy scents, trying meditation or even planning some quality alone time. 

“Don’t forget to give to yourself,” says Fowler. “Give yourself the gift of peace. Take a bike ride. Take a long warm bath. Do something that gives you joy and relaxation.”

Contributing caregiver

Marie Fowler, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker for Providence in Hesperia, California.

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Related resources

How to make your peace with food over the holidays

Give yourself the gift of mental wellness 

4 tips for safer holiday celebrations

This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical care. Always follow your health care professional’s instructions.