How to talk to your teen about vaping

[5 MIN READ] 

In this article:

• Over the last decade, scientists have proven that e-cigarettes, or vaping, can be hazardous to your health.

• Work2BeWell offers resources to help you start a conversation about vaping with your teen. 

• The best way to talk to a loved one about vaping is to find a time when they’re not focused on something else.

Perhaps you’ve noticed a sweet scent in the air around your teenager. Or maybe they have been drinking more water than usual, or nosebleeds have become a more common occurrence. These are all signs that a person has been using vaping or using electronic cigarettes (e-cigarettes).

Back in the early 2010s, when vaping first became popular, some people thought e-cigarettes were good quit-smoking tools. But the National Academies of Science, Engineering and Medicine released a consensus report in 2018 that showed the dangers of e-cigarettes. Since then, it has become abundantly clear that vaping can be hazardous to your health. 

Not only are vaping products — such as Juul e-cigarettes — dangerous, but they also are specifically marketed toward youth. “E-cigarettes are candies,” says psychologist Robin Henderson, Psy.D., chief executive of behavioral health for Providence Oregon and chief clinical officer of Work2BeWell, a mental health and wellness program for teens. “No adult would buy a cotton candy vape. Vaping has tobacco and other chemicals that we know are addictive for young people and a health risk. Chemicals in vaping products have a strong impact on the brain.”

According to Henderson, the ideal time to talk about vaping with your child is during the transition between elementary and middle school. However, any child who is vaping could benefit from a talk.

If you have a loved one who has been showing signs of vaping, you want to make sure they understand the repercussions of what they’re doing. But how do you start the conversation?

Have a conversation about the risks of vaping

Work2BeWell offers several different resources for parents who want to have critical conversations with children, teens and young adults. Those resources can help parents take the following steps: 

Step 1: Get ready

Make sure you have planned out what you’re saying before the conversation starts, Henderson says. You can:

• Reflect on why the conversation is needed.
• Write down your concerns, opinions or questions.
• Write down your desired outcome.
• Pick a conversation starter.
• Choose a comfortable place for the conversation.
• Write a letter or email if needed.

“It starts with timing,” says Henderson. “You want to make sure you’ve got their attention. Don’t do it when they’re getting ready to go out with friends. Instead, choose a time when you know they’re listening to you, like when you’re in a car together or when they’re having breakfast before school.”

Step 2: Get going

It’s important to establish your starting point, Henderson says. “Do you suspect they’re vaping, or do you have proof?” she says. “This is where being a snoop is not necessarily a bad thing. If you find a vape on your kid, it’s probably their vape 99 times out of 100. People don’t usually hold things for a friend.” 

During your conversation, you should:

• Allow sufficient time for an open dialogue.
• Establish boundaries for your talk.
• Allow each person to share concerns or questions.
• Use more “I” statements.
• Practice active listening.

Step 3: Go deeper

“Most kids who are vaping want to quit,” says Henderson. “They just don’t know how to do it. Talk to them in a way that’s not shaming them. It would never work to say, “Quit vaping, or I’ll take your phone away.” 

While you’re talking to your teen, remember to:

• Check for understanding.
• Ask open-ended questions for clarity.
• Determine each person’s needs.
• Pinpoint options that could meet those needs.
• Share any fears or anxiety about the topic.
• Remember that silent moments are okay.
• Identify if a mediator is needed. 

Step 4: Go forward

After the conversation, it’s important to take action. That can include:

• Establishing the roles and responsibilities of each person.
• Creating gentle accountability.
• Building a support network if needed.
• Checking in with each other.
• Keeping the conversation going if needed.
• Not being afraid to include professional support.

Quitting vaping can be difficult, because the chemicals in e-cigarettes are addictive. Don’t automatically expect that your teen will be able to quit cold turkey. Consider counseling and medication to help your teen quit successfully. You can also find a trained quit coach at 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

Ultimately, your teen will be grateful you started the conversation, because talking about vaping can help them quit—and help you deepen your relationship.

Contributing caregiver

Psychologist Robin Henderson, Psy.D., is chief executive of behavioral health for Providence Oregon and chief clinical officer of Work2BeWell, a mental health and wellness program for teens. 

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This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical care. Always follow your health care professional’s instructions.